Everything I intend to say is based on my experience and premeditated. Every word is carefully selected and carefully writes down. Is really hard for me to leaped out of my comfort zone and confess out the entire journey of my depression. Please don’t judge me for it. I don’t know where to begin my story. I am in a mess which weight so much of mixed feelings. The butterflies in my stomach rage warfare. I am not here to seek attention, but this is something that I want to help anyone going through similar things to what I have experience so that you will never suffer alone. As a sufferer, I know the bitterness in life and therefore I am here to share out my experience and point out the serious of mental illness of depression. This will be going to be a long post so I will divide into six parts.
Part 1: Depression The Beginning
Part 2:Effect of Depression on Thinking and Behaviour
Part 3: Effect of Depression on Thinking and Behaviour
Part 4: Recover Life from Depression
Part 5: Parents, lectures, friends
Part 6: Anorexia nervosa, Bulimia nervosa, Eating disorder
Depression is not something that a person can ignore or simply will away. Rather, it is a serious disorder that affects the way a person eats, sleeps feels and thinks. The relationship between sleep and depressive illness is complex.
My sleeping was very bad. I got so worry whenever the night comes. I was haunted every night. Thoughts were everywhere that killing me slowly. It was difficulty getting off to sleep and often because of lying in bed with thoughts going round in my head. During the day and night I was crying uncontrollably. My mind was overdrive, ruminating about situations over which I have no control. And finally I get help form psychiatric doctor and I was diagnosing with major depression disorder. An inability to sleep that lasts over a long period of time is also an important clue that someone may be depressed. Eventually I was given sleeping pills from mile to heavy sleeping pills and also anti depression medication. I have been taking sleeping pills since 2009 to 2012. I couldn’t say I am free from these killer pills. Sometimes I get hunted due to my perfectionist attitude. One single matter may affect my mood which cogitate my psyche. Therefore, sleeping pills is one of the killer pills that I need the most.
Anxiety disorder is characterized by emotional, physical, and behavioural symptoms that create an unpleasant feeling that is typically described as uneasiness, fear, or worry. The worry is frequently accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes.
How to cope with anxiety? Due to depression I become a low self-esteem person and I keep hiding away from people. I look very strong in the front of my friend but deep inside me I was broken. My attitude changed form a happy-go-luck girl to a very depress person and lost self-worth. I keep hiding myself in my room and cry. Slowly I developed anxiety and panic disorder. Chocolate is one of the foods that cure my panic disorder because chocolate prompts the release of certain chemicals in the brain, such as dopamine, that produce feelings of pleasure. Chocolate may contribute a short-term boost in mood followed by a return to depression or a worsened mood. I get panic very easily especially during my exam period, at crowded places and night time. Panic attack cannot be avoided easily. It happens on a sudden. Even I look so calm but deep inside me I was grasping for air. My panic is getting lesser but this cannot be confirm that I am completely healed. But I’m glad that I can survive until today.
To be continue…